The dog ate my chocolate – A learning opportunity.

January 2, 2008

Growing up I’ve always been taught that if a dog eats chocolate, he’ll die. That’s the extent of my veterinary knowledge.
So…what do you do when you come home late at night and find that your dog’s eaten 3 chocolate Santa Snickers bars and a plastic candy-cane tube filled with M&M’s while your wife and kids are out of town?

  1. Freak out
  2. Try desperately to come up with an excuse that absolves you of any blame for the family pet dying
  3. Call every vet in town to find out what you already knew, they’re all closed
  4. Freak out
  5. Hatch a plan to find a duplicate 2 year old boxer/lab mix at 12:30 on a Friday night
  6. Freak out

After you get those first six steps out of the way, settle down and call the emergency 24-hour vet hotline. Here in Grand Rapids you’ll be calling the Emergency Animal Clinic (Map and contact info here).

The nice lady will tell you that no, your dog won’t die from eating a chocolate chip that fell on the floor. In fact, your dog will need to eat a 1/2 oz. of chocolate for every pound of body weight for it to have a severe toxic reaction and a 1/4 oz. per pound for a mild toxic reaction.

From what I could scrape together from the mangled wrappers it turned out that our dog had only eaten about 4-5 oz. Not enough to kill her, not enough to freak out about, but enough that the vet had me feed her 4 teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide to make her yack out everything she ate. “Just pour it down her throat” she said. And 10 minutes later, out came the chocolate.

In the end, the dog lives, I spend the night cleaning up dog puke. Good times.

More info on dogs and chocolate here.


Bike to Work – June 21

June 23, 2007

Originally uploaded by plounsbury.

No biking to work today.

But I do have a handy tip; When you take the front wheel off of your bike to put it on the rack in the back of your truck, be sure to put the wheel in your truck before you leave, don’t leave it lying in the empty parking lot of Rosy Mound Elementary School. Because some !@#$% will probably take it home.

Another interesting fact: Did you know that the cost of replacing your front rim, tire and tube is about equal to half the cost of your entire bike? It’s true.


You are a filthy pirate hooker.

November 5, 2006

After putting it off for a month or two I decided that yes, I really did want to to go see the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I went online just a few hours before the show started, fully expecting to grab some upper level, row Z, obstructed view seats behind the stage. After searching a couple of times, I ended up with seats down on the floor 6 rows back. WTF? That’s what I said. That was my first bit of confusion, albeit happy confusion.

Printed out my ticket, skipped out of work early and headed down to the Van Andel. (If there’s a tip that I can give to anyone local reading this, don’t stand in line out in front. Go up and wait by the door in the skywalk. It’s heated and there’re hardly any people waiting there). Got in, grabbed a refreshing $7 beer and headed down to check out my view from my seat.

I’m gonna have to skip ahead a bit to get to the confusing (and also entertaining and distracting) portion of the night. I’m not sure I can do justice to the strangeness of the situation here, but I’ll try…

I’m flanked by a goth type girl and her boyfriend on my left who stood pretty much motionless the whole time. And on my right is Horny West Michigan Teenage Girl and her boyfriend. We’ll call her HWMTG for short.
Here’s where I start grasping for an explanation, maybe you can help me.

For starters, HWMTG has some obvious personal space issues, things like waving arms in front of my face, stepping on my feet, bumping, elbows, normal concert type stuff. But then comes WMTG’s ass. She starts out like she’s trying to get me to do the bump, innocent enough right? But, from one song to the next she raises the bar a little bit and the bumpage progresses to a point where I’m about a couple dollar bills away from a lap dance. All this is happening while her boyfriend is sitting on the other side of her in his seat with his arms crossed. Probably trying to decide the most effective place on my head and/or face that he can punch me. Now, HWMTG’s getting jiggy with such force that she’s pushing me into goth girl, who is now giving me dirty looks because I’m disturbing her motionless concert experience. Trying to make sure I don’t disturb goth girl anymore, I give HWMTG a sharp shove to the right hoping she’d get the point. Totally backfired. Now I’ve got HWMTG trying to grab my hand, trying to put her arm around me, and trying to move directly in front of me to get her freak on.

Everything came to an end when HWMTG’s boyfriend got up and made her switch places with him. He was mad. And he was also in way over his head with this psycho.

The next day I told Stacy (my wife) about it. Partly to relieve the guilt I had from having a nubile young girl gyrating on me for 2 hours while I was trying to enjoy a concert, but partly hoping that she could offer some insight into the female mind and explain to me what was going on.

Her explanation: The boyfriend was a boring douchebag, she was looking for some attention, you were the next closest thing. And she was probably drunk.

I’m pretty sure it was because I’m just dead sexy.


Come on WordPress!

February 9, 2006

I’m dying to edit this template. All I’m asking is to be able to stick an image up in the header, that’s all I want. I’m dying over here.